Ambition ?

i hate to choose something out of everything. it's hard and it's complicated. i don't really know what i'm good at. i feel stupid when people asked me what my ambition is. the fact is, i don't really have one. i can't be what i want if i even have one.

a lawyer ?

i'm not good at talking. i have to repeat more than once to make people understand what the heck i have just said. i don't really like to talk, it's tiring. and, i suck at defending people. i can't even defend my own friend. how lame is that ? 

a stewardess ?

since my second cousin works at the airlines thingy and she told me like almost everything, now i know the job is fucking hard. i must have the right height, the right weight, no acne, no scars, friendly with surroundings, have to clean such as toilet and stuffs. too bad i don't have any of them, not even one. i'm not eligible enough to have this kind of job.

a doctor ? 

i had never get an A in science, only B's and C's. laugh all you want but it's damn hard for me, i suck at this too but since i attend tuition class for science, i'm loving it like hell. actually science is fun and interesting, unbelievable. i will try harder next time, i mean for PMR, i guess. 

an accountant ? 

i suck at counting. okay i suck at everything, damn it. i can't use it as my excuse for not choose this thang. but i'm not into that kind of job, doesn't seems fun at all. 

well a dude asked me what subject will i take for next year and i said i don't know because i really don't know. then he said, tak payah belajar lah kalau macam tu. he makes me think about this thang because before this, i thought i will make up my mind after i get the PMR results so now i feel like what the heck ? how can you make up your mind for last minute ? but as soon as i know what i'm good at, i can make up my mind. but i don't know, it's about life i'm talking about here so i have to be err serious. what subject should i choose for next year ? science streams ? accounts ? arts ? or ...... ? okay i forgot the last one haha well i have no idea for now -.-

a housewife ? 

so you guys thought i should be a housewife because i suck at everything right ? oh i thought about this too but clearly i want to make my own money so that i can buy what i want with no boundaries. my mom will laugh if she knows about this because i can't clean and i can't cook, seriously someone will 'mati kelaparan' and that someone is my husband so forget about being a desperate housewife. i love money and i need them $ ka-chaaanggg $ but i don't wanna be a gold digger.

I'll Get Over This Crap .

Aku Menangis Dalam Mimpi ,

aku hanya menangis dalam mimpi , 

di luar aku cuba menutupinya dengan gelak tawa , 

tapi aku cuma mampu menggantikannya dengan senyuman.

senang untuk kau berkata , 

sukar untuk aku terima .

kau pergi dalam mimpi aku ,

begitu juga realitinya .

kau fikir aku tak peduli ,

kau fikir aku tak sedar ,

perlahan - lahan kau pergi ,

pergi tinggalkan aku dalam dunia ini , 

dunia yang sial , seorang diri .

kau kata aku ada hidup aku sendiri , 

babi , kau fikir aku tak perlukan kau, bukan ?

ini bukan untuk menyalahkan kau , 

ini bukan untuk buat kau rasa bersalah ,

ini hanya perasaan sial yang aku ingin luahkan ,

terima kasih kepada kau , 

aku menangis dalam mimpi .

Pertanyaan Aku.

Sial sangat kan hidup ini ?

Sampai aku rasa macam nak gantung diri .

Sial sangat kan hidup ini ?
Sampai aku rasa macam tak boleh nak percaya dekat sesiapa dah.

Sial sangat kan hidup ini ?

Sampai aku tak ada perasaan nak senyum pun .

Sial sangat kan hidup ini ?

Sampai aku tertipu dengan diri sendiri . 

Sial sangat kan hidup ini ?

Sampai aku tak dapat nak bezakan antara kau dengan dia . 

Sial sangat kan hidup ini ?

Memang

Memang gua tengah depressed lagi.
Memang rasa tu tak akan hilang.
Memang gua tak paham kenapa sampai sekarang.
Memang gua perlukan member gua.
Memang member gua je yang boleh buat gua gelak macam orang gila lagi.
Memang sebab tu je lah gua pergi sekolah .
Memang gua tengah confused dengan life gua ni.
Memang gua tak tahu apa - apa lagi.
Memang gua pernah cakap yang gua tak nak ada boyfriend sekarang.
Memang gua tipu diri gua sendiri.
Memang sebenarnya gua sunyi.
Memang gua tak ambil peduli.

Memang gua rasa lu tak akan paham.
Memang semua tak akan paham gua.

Memang lu boleh pergi dari sini sekarang,
sebab lu memang tak akan paham gua.

I'm Too Depressed.

I cna't sotp lensitng to sad sngos.
And I asmlot cry whtiuot a raeosn.
It's usunal for me to feel tihs way.

I tihnk my haert snkis, deep wayy dwon semowehre.
I cna't seem to hvae feleigns aynorme,
I amlsot froogt how to laguh, how to simle.
I tihnk I've jsut lsot my hraet.
I need my feirdns, I ralely do.

Okay, I'm cnofeusd now.
Can smoenoe tlel me waht's gniog on ?
It's been dyas and I dno't konw why,
It's jsut so hrad for me to udernsntad.

Is tihs waht it feels wehn smoenoe who ralely lvoe us,
jsut wlak aawy form our lveis ?

I'm Begging You.

Please don't like me.

Please don't say that stupid words. 
Please shut the hell up.

Please don't be like them.

Please stay away from the truth.

Please let me forget about them.

Please stay here beside me with silence. 
Please don't follow your heart. 

Please understand what the hell I've just said.

Just Let Me

 Let me get F in my exams

Let me curse at people

Let me sleep until I'm dead

Let me kill all of the assholes

Let me kick their ass off
Let me spit on their faces

Let me take ecstasy now

Let me be a bad teenage girl

Let me suicide 

Let me drink Carlsberg

Let me go to hell

Let me say what I want to say

Let me do what I want to do

Just stay out of my life 

You don't love me anymore .

Memang Hanya Aku .

Ya , hanya aku sahaja yang bersalah .

Ya , hanya aku sahaja yang bermasalah .

Ya , hanya aku sahaja yang patut dipersalahkan .

Ya , hanya aku sahaja yang mencari masalah .

Ya , hanya kau sahaja yang tidak salah .

Ya , hanya aku sahaja yang salah . 

Ya , kau langsung tak .

Ya , memang hanya aku .

Ya , kau boleh pergi sekarang .

He Left Me

He left me with his new girlfriend .
I'm all alone now ,
In my room ,
in the dark .
Nothing left to say because he's gone .
I can't feel my heart ,
And it's killing me .


But I'm not crying ,
I won't shed a tear on my face .
There's no reason for me to beg him not to leave .
There's no reason for me to lay on my bed ,
While listening to ' ne me quitte pas ' song .
There's no reason for me to waste my time ,
And wait for him to call me back .
There's no reason for me to watch titanic ,
While eating ice - cream with chocolate syrup on top and cry .


I'm maybe dumb but I'm not stupid .
Life got to move on ,
And now I'm moving forward ,
Without looking back :)