I would rather ...

say nothing at all than babbling about pointless crap.
be single than be cheated in a relationshit.
try now than regret it later.
have 10 friends than have thousands of fake shitty ones.
spend time for myself than for someone else.
say no than yes.
wear pretty clothes with no brands than ugly clothes with brands.
waste my money on food than things.
go to tuition class than to school.
communicate with human, face to face than behind these technologies.
walk alone than walk in a group.
dancing than singing in public.
agree to disagree than argue about it.
keep it to myself than let it all out.

how about you? what would you rather do?

Goodbye, love.

I listen to the song, that you wrote for me.
I look at your photos, that you gave me.
I remember every of advice, that you said to me.
You said you love me but you didn't act like you are.

You taught me how to overcome my insecurities.

You taught me not to waste my tears for some shit.

You've changed me to someone better,

I'd thank you  for that.

You make me miss you so bad.
Waiting for my phone to blow up with your ringtone.
High expectations on something that you would do.
Hoping for you to come back.

Once I want to move on, you will come out of the blue.
Once I decided to wait, you just never show up.
And I have waited for you way far too long.
I'm just too hopeless to hope.

I'm done waiting for you.
I won't hope for something that will never happen.
I don't want to waste my time and my money on you.
And I don't want to play with your shitty games anymore.

It was my fault to put my trusts on you and to think that you're different.

I have deleted your phone number, songs and photos.
But somehow I know you will be the guy that I will never ever, forget.
I just want to wish for your happiness and success.

Goodbye.

Ho Ho Ho Holidays ~

I really do think June will start perfectly fine and I really do know that it won't end well. Yes, semester break is here! Alhamdulillah ~

So things that I wanna do during my 2 weeks of holidays ;

• meet my long time no see girlfriends! ❤
• have fun with the three boys! :D
• save money for Alesana's concert!
• spend my time in the jungle, I miss green!
• do nothin' for a day but my regular routine!
• awake for the whole day!
• sleep 'til noon! (or maybe before Zohor ends)
• get rid of this BIG tummy!
• do my homework that I haven't start since January!
• figure out what else I wanna do!

I know it's only for 14 days and I don't really go to school much often but who cares? It's still a fucking holiday to me. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Mama,

       Without you ;

I won't be able to see the world, 

I won't be pretty like you, 

I don't know who I can count on, 

I won't have an awesome Ma like you, 

I wouldn't know what true love is and ..

IT'S YOU! :) 

from your prettiest, fattest, laziest, 

spoiled and most annoying 

daughter.

AI  ♥ YU

Mummy, I'm a bitchy daughter. I apologize for that.

That's what I wrote on my Mother's Day card, except for the last part. I know it's pretty cliche but I can't write any censored word to express my feelings like I used to (if you know what I mean), it's quite inappropriate, obviously ~

I wanted to write something else but I know it would sound sad and everything, believe me. I won't ask more from her, she had suffers for 25 years and .. OKAY SKIP THAT PART. I don't want to ruin her happy day with all of this emotions. She doesn't deserve anymore, sadness, in her life. So tyeahh.

p/s : To all Mak Ayam, Motherfucker, Mother Theresa, Mother of Nature and especially my beloved Ma whom is more gorgeous and more awesome than your mom, I know, sad but true. Well Happy Mother's Day! 

And yes, my family don't have any fixed nickname for ourselves because we're cool that way, ay? Okay. Chow.

Emo Shit.

Their words never make me feel any better,
Sometimes, some people, just have to shut up,
I don't need to hear somethin' that I already know,
They think they get me, but none of 'em really do.

I didn't even ask for your fuckin' opinion anyway,

They don't know me well enough just to say, anythin',

People come and go, everythin' come and go, 

The difference between each one of you is, how long will you stay.

Nothing last forever, same goes to love,
I don't believe in happy endings and people,
Goodbye is all I ever know,
Don't try to change me, I won't change for anyone.

I know myself better so, tyeahh.

Ha-Ha

It's funny when most everyone I knew wanted me to put a smile on my face.
It's funny when I think I have no one in my life and I'm all alone.
It's funny when people think I'm rich and wealthy.
It's funny when they can't see what I see.
It's funny when Mama think I have so many boyfriends.
It's funny when I'm so excited for tuition more than my school.
It's funny when you'd like to lick back what you just spit, if you know what I mean.
It's funny when strangers would think I'm one of the arrogant bitches.
It's funny when I eat a lot but I'm not getting that fat.
It's funny when my ex (s) just being wayyyy fucking pa-the-tic.

It's funny when people I know like to give me compliments.
It's funny when a guy asked me to tell him about myself.
It's funny when money and fame is just everything for everyone
It's funny when a bunch of people act like they are so cool.
It's funny when some of them expect me to trust em'.
It's funny when most of the guys I knew wanted to hear me sing.
It's funny when people think cursing is bad $%&#)$*#%*(~#% !
It's funny when I can get high just by drinking a tin of .. Coke.
It's funny when I think I'm adopted.
It's funny when they keep giving away their love away.

But the most funny part of all, is, none of em' were even funny.
Yes bitch and gays, I have just wasted your time.

Feel.

I feel like I need to go out. For movies or concerts. With the love ones. Do anything. Just to laugh out loud and have some fun. I feel like I need to be friendly and communicate more. With people or anyone, just anyone. I feel like I need to get over this fucking low - self esteem. Be more confident and smile more often. And just be happy. I feel like I need to put this stupid damn fucking heart broken feelings aside. Move on and forget everything. Just everything. Focus more on my studies and my future. I feel like I need a new start, new life, new style. And most of all, a new haircut.

I'm getting bored with this shit. And I feel like I need to stop blogging. Stop expressing these feelings. Stop writing about things. I guess ...

I don't mind it, I still don't mind at all.

Camp At Cherakah

So last last weekend, on 10th of December, I went to Bukit Cherakah at Section 8, Shah Alam, for a 3 days of camp organized by 'Rakan Muda'. How the hell did I know about this camp? Well through my second cousins. If they're not there, obviously I won't go. I have been to camp before, for like 3-4 times so I'm okay with the environment. But this is my first time for this year.so I was like .. Let's Get Green Baybay!

Since all of my friends are busy and stuff, I went there with my sister, Nini. I packed all of my stuff 2 days before the camp. Nahh, obviously I packed everything last minute. A couple of hours before registering for the camp. I brought 2 bags but all of the participants gotta wear the sponsor shirt. And I was like God damn it, penat aku pilih baju -_-"

The first thing I saw when I got there? 

Little kids. And I was like .. sigh! The oldest participant were Nini and this other girl. I don't hate kids but I'm not really into them. As you all know, they are pretty annoying. Serious shit I thought this camp was for teenagers. And then, the girls gila sikit and the guys were like gila banyak. Don't get me wrong but that won't be a problem for me. Less gedik, more fun.

I slept in a tent for the first time. 

Nini, Beela and me were supposed to share the same tent. Dah pasang siap apa semua dah but since they knew Nini is my sister, the facilitators decided to separate us so they swap me to other group which got kids in it and I was like .. what the fuck? But then I saw these 2 little kids got the best tent. Plus, it was bigger so I guess, Imma be okay with it.

The time where I gotta communicate with strangers.

I don't really like to communicate with people I barely know. Even Nini knew that so obviously I'm not into this ice breaking thingy. I don't really talk a lot so .. you get the point. Plus the guys like to stare at me like I'm the series killer or something. Serious shit the stare was scary and freaky. I like to look at people but I don't think I stare at them like they did that day.

Being a co - leader for the camp.
At first it was Nini but then the facilitator said Nini dah jadi group leader yang 7-8 orang tu so Beela chose me. So aku jadi co-leader for the camp, bukan yang untuk 7-8 orang, but for the camp. Terbaik. Obviously I didn't do what they told me to. Yes, I'm not a good co - leader. Tengok lah aku jadi president class last year, memang ponteng class je lah kata nak jumpa cikgu sana sini. Okay what the fuck? I'm out of topic. Well I don't know who the hell voted me for being the co - leader. Well thanks a lot! _|_ haha.

Overall, everything is just pointless.
All of the energy I had spent on this 3 day camp and there was no presents for the winners or first runner up or second runner up. All I got is this shitty sunburn, fugly toe nails and my butt fucking hurts on the next day. Well not everything is pointless, but most of it. We didn't really went back with empty handed, dapat sijil dengan barang barang buangan haha. Terbaik.

Annoying facilitators.
I'm not that much of a complainer but I hate most of the facilitators yang ada dekat situ. Why? Because they set too many boundaries between girls and guys (participants). Because they give me the kerek look since I'm not wearing tudung. Because they are so fucking annoying. And I was like .. come on lahhhh -_-" Oh! and I hate the -stupid-flirty-ugly-old-bald ones too. I would like to kick their balls real hard tho. But I didn't say all of them. Ada yang okay, macam Kaka Lieya yang rock uhh! \m/ Plus member member my second cousin, yang itu okay.
 
But then, my second cousin said ... OKAY it's a fucking long story and I know you guys are not that interested about it, so why would I have to waste all of my energy for typing the whole story and what had happened at the camp with this stupid keyboard?

Oh and I will go to Taman Negara next year. My second cousin said there will be no little kids and the activities will be much much much more fun. heck yeahhh! So, let's just skip the fucking long story and enjoy these pictures that I stole from the facilitators. They didn't snap for every activities but here you go ~

 

This is the type of tent that I should have sleep in.

 

 And this tent is bigger and prettier. You don't know how lucky I was.

The food was so not delicious but I get it, this ain't a hotel so tyeahh. 

 Meet Beela. She is so cute right? And she is so damn polite.

 

 As you can see, I'm bored with the talk that they gave us.

 

 The ice breaking thingy. 

 Look at those kids o.O

 This is the time where all of us took off our shoes before we dip ourselves into the paya.

And this is the paya. It will be more fun if the paya got mud or something disgusting.

 

And the journey begins!

 

 This is where we're heading for a cliff.

 

I can't remember whether this is before or after mendaki Bukit Sapu Tangan.

 

 This is the flat one, the faci didn't snap the curam curam one.

 

After all of the wasted energy ..

And all the tiredness ..

All we got to see is the fucking boring view. Boo !

 

Tak nampak penat pun kan?

 

 The facilitators. Guess which one of them yang aku cerita?

 Since they are so kind, they gave girls and little kids turun bukit naik transport. 

The facilitators were preparing the abe ceiling stuffs.

 

 Nini and me looking fucking retarded. Oh! and I'm doing the shit face (Y)

 

 I don't know why but I like this shot haha.

My va-jay-jay and my butt hurts when I did this so it was not fun at all.

Meet the Bieber kid, the cool hair kid, the hoho kid and the white kid :p

This is where kita berkumpul. 

 

 This is the time they voted for me. You can see that I'm unhappy.

 

 The good facilitators. And I forgot their names.

 

Look how cute Nini is :D

Listening to the facilitator talking .. 

But then I don't know why they laughed. Oh! As you can see .. little kids o.O

 Waterballoon-badminton-thingy.

 I was not scared and this is not my scared face :p

And I hate this game because that water balloon might splash on my face.

  We gotta take water from the pipe, spit it out into that bottle. This is the dumb-est game ever!

This is the Spider's Web.

 We gotta get through that thingy without touching that thingy.

 Obviously I didn't get through this.

They said this picture masuk newspaper. Utusan Malaysia haha.

Guess which one is annoying? :p

And this is where I got sunburn. Shit.

Okay I stole these pictures from them. The left one is Rezzman, the hoho kid, and the right one is Danial, the Bieber kid. Why hoho? Tak payah cerita lah kan, just figure it out yourself. Why Bieber? Because he flips his hair like him, that's why. At first, dalam banyak banyak orang, I mean ramai, aku nampak group korang. Asal? Well don't be so proud ey? It's just because I thought you guys were kinda cool. see the word thought kan? hahaha. Well Rezzman was my group leader and Nini was the leader for Danial's group. Get it? Good, no one even cares. They are my laughing machine at the camp, serious shit. Good to know you guys anyway. Okay aku dah cerita pasal korang, happy? :p

Anyway, I'll cut the crap here. Chow.

Bla Bla Bla

Hi. Hey. Ho. Assalammualaikum. Olla. Whadduupp yo? OKAY enough for that.

It has been ages since I updated this shitty blog. Did you guys think I have been freakin busy lately? Hell no. Well kinda but on top of all, this may sounds a bit dramatic I shall say? But I have lost my inspirations. Don't ask me who or what or what other shit. Somehow I just did. I don't really know what to write anymore. I'm still not okay but like I said before, I will be fine. I guess.

So anyway, harini result PMR keluar. All I can think about is what to wear for today. Yes, this result day ain't makin me feel like, "OHMYGOD!". I was more nervous when I took result for UPSR than PMR and obviously I don't know why. Even Mama said she was more nervous than me. My result ain't that great because I didn't get 8. But I didn't hoping for straight A's pun since I know my low capabilities. Well my new motto is ; No expectations, no disappointment :) I don't really even have one before this but what the heck.


I can't believe I scored Bahasa Melayu and Science. And I got B for Pendidikan Islam and Sejarah. Wow. So aku tak fail apa apa. Alhamdulillah. If you wanna compare my results with yours .. C'mon ~ bring it on bitch! I don't really care because I'm happy with my results. I don't know about you but I think everyone is being fucking friendly today. Harini hari merapatkan silaturrahim ke apa? Even a stranger on Facebook asked for my results and that is so freakin scary. Well for those yang tak happy with their results, lek lek lu ~ PMR ain't a big thing baybay. Congratulations for those who got tons of A's, bapak awesome sial! :D

To all of my teachers, thank you. Thank you for babbling at me whenever you caught me eating or sleeping or talking while you were teaching but I end up continue doing it anyway. Thank you for answered all of my stupid questions and keep repeating your answers but since I'm blurr and slow, I still don't get it. Thank you for making me laugh even though I know, seriously I do know, that you don't even make any jokes. And obviously my teachers won't read this but I wanna thank them anyway.

Special thanks to Mama, my crazy siblings and my lovely friends. Oh there's no need for me to list what you guys just did kan? Obviously you guys did almost everything. I ♥ you guys! OKAY other than crapping about my PMR results, let's talk about life. My life. Oh wait! I don't really have a fucking life. So let's just cut the crap. And since it's 5 am, Imma off to bed now so tyeahh. Chow.