Sememangnya Aku.

Sebab hatinya terguris,
perasaannya sakit,
lukanya dipendam,
peritnya disimpan.
Adalah aku.

Punca air berlinangan, di matanya,
fikirannya buntu,
hatinya lemah,
mindanya bercelaru,
mati akalnya.
Adalah aku.

Silapnya adalah aku.
Datangnya daripada aku.
Masalahnya adalah aku.
Aku.

That's Just What They Do

they make promises
and give out hopes
when they are happy
they fill our ears
with things
that we wanted
to hear.

they curse
and give up
when things gets
really hard
throwing words
that stabs our heart
like a knife.

Aku Yang Berjiwa Kosong.

In my opinion, 'Lalang' is the best video of Matluthfi.

Tetap Menunggu.

Kutunggu agar detik itu tiba.
Biarku rasa kepahitan.
Hanya bertemankan kesakitan.
Sepi, sunyi, sendirian.
Disiksa dengan keperitan.
Meraung bersama tangisan.
Hingga tidak bersuara.
Kuingin rasa apa yangmu rasa.
Biar terbalas segala kelakuan.
Kucoba ke detik itu.
Perlahan-lahan.
Perut diikat.
Rasa disimpan.
Mulut dibisukan.
Tangisan disorokkan.
Kulit ditorehkan.
Walau ia menyakitkan.
Detikku kecelakaan.
Detikku terlantar di kamar sakit.
Detikku parah tak berdaya.
Detikku tidak dijenguk.
Detikku pergi buat selamanya.
Akan kutetap tunggu detik itu.

If Only You Knew That I Have No Clue

If I know what is wrong,
I would have told you.

If I know how to love,
I would have loved you with all of my heart.

If I know who I really am,
I would have let you to get to know me.

If I know how to give and take,
I would have gave it all out to you.

But the thing is,
I do not know how.

Can't You See What I See?

I know this one girl and whenever I look at her, I will look with full of disgust. Those big eyebrows above those sinful, wrinkle, dark circles eyes. Her huge nose full of black heads but she always cover it with her hand. Her chapped cherry lips that barely smile and speak. Yellow and rotten teeth and maybe looks like a smoker. White heads on her chubby fat cheeks and all over her hairy face. Wide forehead and big ears. She has a mustache and a beard which is abnormal for a girl. Horrifying stretchmarks all over her minor ass. Cup-shaped nails that she has to cut twice a day. She ties up her stomach from eating, less than she used to because of her flabby arms, muffin waist and tummy with tires. Dark knees, hairy and short legs. Untanned and dehydrated skin.

And I could only see this girl whenever I stand right in front the mirror.

What Would You Do?

when nothing seems right,
you think you can no longer hold on,
when the world falls apart,
your faith is shaking,
things went upside down,
there's no more hope,
you're almost give in,
and your dreams are fading,

what would you do when everything is not okay?

1 Hour 45 Minutes.

Standing under the shower with cold water. 

Thinking of what you've just said. 

What happened before and what will happen next. 

Trying my hardest to think all of the good things. 

Searching any positive side that left in me. 

End up sitting there and could not stop pouring buckets of tears. 

Wishing to turn back time. 

Hoping that you would be just fine. 

I have been here from the start and will be here until the end.

When.

when you said you love me, so much, and only Allah knows how much you love me. when they said I'm not your love but you've against them real hard. when you cried because you don't wanna leave me but you know you can't do anything about it. when you rejected girls that way prettier, curvier and fairier than me. when I deserve to get mad and shouted at but you're the one who feel guilty about it and apologize to me. when you said that I'm so different than any girl. when you prayed to Allah that you wanna grow old and die with me. whenever we had a fight, you begged for me to stop and change back to the old me. when you only want to give me happiness and make me happy. when you always remind me to take care, behave and how much you love me.

that's when I know, you deserve soooooooooo much better, than me, than this, than us.

Rindu Dia.

tiba-tiba terasa nak makan nasi goreng, 
jemput pisang yang empuk manis, 
cekodok ikan bilis yang masin cukup rasa, 
lempeng crispy yang tiada bandingan, 
milo atau teh panas yang rasa umph. 
tiba-tiba rasa nak makan masakan yang dia masak.

tiba-tiba terasa nak dengar nasihat yang macam orang dulu-dulu bagi,
dengar dia melatah walaupun aku tak cuba nak terkejutkan,
tunjuk ajar untuk jadi perempuan,
leteran masa tonton drama Melayu atau Indonesia yang memang tak akan masuk akal. 
terasa nak putarkan balik lepastu luangkan masa dengan dia semula.
tiba-tiba teringat akan dia.


siapa dia? Nenek aku.